


Doctor Who: I want to help you

by Blue_Dolphin_in_the_TARDIS_1986



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Back to the Norm, F/M, Fear, Friendship, Grief/Mourning, Love, Pain, Slow Burn, Withdrawal
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-01
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-09-02 21:48:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16795393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blue_Dolphin_in_the_TARDIS_1986/pseuds/Blue_Dolphin_in_the_TARDIS_1986
Summary: On her 30th birthday, Clara Oswald has to watch something that will forever remain in her memory. The experience can not forget, it takes to make the first steps back into the world and get the help of friends. But what secret is she still carrying with her and will the others find out what particular fear she is hiding from them?





	1. Chapter 1 - Life ...

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys.
> 
> Last Friday, November 23, 2018, Doctor Who was 55 years old. Since Clara also has her birthday on this day, I also started a new story.
> 
> Here she will be uploaded a little later and she will also have more chapters this time.
> 
> Have fun while reading and I hope you like it (but it's not bad, if not :-)) 
> 
> PS: English is not my native language, but I love it very much.

Doctor Who © by BBC Worldwide.

Doctor Who: I want to help you

Chapter 1 - Life ...

23 November 2016

London/England/Europe.

What happened before, she would never forget. It had burned into her thoughts, reminding her every night in nightmares of what had happened, and she was absolutely sure that there would never be a moment when she could leave all that behind.

Her father's body was hanging in front of her, hanging from a rope like a lifeless doll she was now, staring at her with cold eyes. The young woman cried softly before she managed to break free and storm out, where she ran into the street because of the tears still blocking her view.

„Watch where you're running!“  
She stopped, looked straight ahead, but otherwise did not react, but simply looked at the man who had alighted. He really seemed to be angry, but at the same time there was something in his eyes, which she could not fully arrange. And just in those moments she could not worry about it.

„You'd better go back, others would probably not be as attentive as I was.“

The young woman took the man's hand and asked him to accompany her. Realizing immediately what condition she was in, he knew it would be better to follow her.

She began to tremble as they entered the house and went to the living room, where he stopped breathing because of the sight.

„What happened here?“  
„He has ...“, her voice failed and suddenly she leaned against him, causing him to stiffen. He did not really like hugs, but how could he tell her at that moment? Besides, she was hurt and even though he was not the most sociable person, he could not leave her alone now.

„It's alright“, of course it was not, but what words were right now to calm her? Right: None.

„I have to go out for a second, but I'll be back in a few minutes. Trust me, I will not just drive away.“

She accompanied him to the door and seemed genuinely waiting for him to come back.

„All done“, he smiled, „shall I help you about your father?“  
„How do you know he was my father?“  
„Intuition. Besides, you look very much like him.“

She did not know if she could agree with him, but for now she did not care. She did not care about anything. Almost.  
„You sure think it's my fault. That I'm responsible for my father's life on my birthday, is not it?“

He looked at her briefly before explaining that he would never even consider such a thing.  
„How should you blame something that others have done? Believe me, you are not.“

She sank down onto the sofa and fixed her eyes on the carpet as he took care of everything else. It took less than an hour for her father's body to be picked up, but she was also told that she would probably be invited to a conversation later.

„Does it have to be that way? You see, she's not feeling well.“  
„We know that and nobody wants your niece to have to go through all this again...“  
„Listen, pudding brain. I am neither her uncle nor any other relative. She just ran out onto the street outside and I was just about to slow down. I did not even know her two hours ago and she would still be guaranteed to sit here and not know what to do next if I had not.“

His voice had a rather rough sound that somehow matched his accent (was it a Scottish? She did not know it at that moment). And his eyes were furious with the man in front of him before running his hand through his hair.  
„Give her some time to catch herself, okay. I do not think she could answer any questions now.“  
„Fine, but I'd need a phone number to reach someone if there was something.“  
He gave his, as the young woman still did not react and promised to let her know immediately if anything should happen. Finally, they said goodbye, and when he was alone with her, he did something he would never have done under normal circumstances. He picked her up and carried her out of the house.

„Do not worry, I will not hurt you, I just do not think you should be alone now.“

She did not hear the words because her crying had driven her to sleep. Gently, he put her down in the back seat, got a blanket for which he took out her key, which she had been holding in her hands all the time, ran back to her apartment, took her there from the couch, downstairs again went and finally spread this over her. She would hopefully sleep for a few hours now.

It will certainly do her good, even if the memories of the experience would not pass.

He shook his head. Even if his own birthday was only twelve days ago and this was not really intoxicating, he wished no one that this day remained as a negative in the memory of a man.

They soon reached the destination he wanted and he could see his younger sister standing on the step.  
„Damn“, it escaped his lips, he had completely forgotten that she would go on vacation today and he would take care of her hamster. Although he still did not understand why she had ever brought a hamster.

„Nice that I finally see you.“  
„Later, Missy“, were his words as he simply walked into the house, the young woman in her arms again. She followed him.  
„You will explain to me what this is all about. Who is that?“  
„Did not you want to go or something?“, He had to get rid of her as soon as possible.  
"Brother, I will not go until I find out what all this means."  
„That does not concern you!“  
„So you just took a stranger girl home to see if your brainless friend down there is still fully functional?“  
„Her father took his own life and she had to watch it most likely. I certainly do not intend to show her my bedroom today ... or anything“, he added, seeing his sister's eyes. He could do without any rumors and guesses.

„Give me the kid and get on your way, not that you call me later and complain that you missed your flight.“  
She held the small cage in his hand and left his house without another word. He himself looked curiously into the cage and the little golden hamster looked just as know who looked him straight from his house. The kid did not really seem angry that he was awakened.

„You will not tell anyone what happened here, would you?“  
Button eyes looked at him before the little one showed a yawn and went back to his little house.  
„Well, as long as you are just asleep, everything is fine.“

„Where am I?“  
He had never rushed around so fast. She sat upright on the sofa, looking at him with big, brown eyes.  
„Forgive me, you are with me.“  
„You kidnapped me?“  
„No, you can go anytime if you want. I just thought that it would not be good to leave you alone, where guaranteed these pudding brains of neighbors soon expressed mocked grief, even though they had not been interested in a piece for you before.“

She just looked at him, then suddenly began to cry again when he suddenly did not know what to do. Because he could never speak well with other people and what brought him to take care of her, he did not know himself exactly.

„What will happen to my father?“  
„There will be an investigation and after that you probably want to organize a funeral for him.“

The young woman looked at him briefly before she lowered her eyes again.

She did not know what she really wanted.

~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~

„That was an acquaintance of Clara. He explained that something had happened and we should come to him.“

John Smith looked up and his eyes were slightly questioning. His wife held the phone in his hand and seemed to wait for what he finally stood up to be.  
„Let's go, Mrs. Tyler. I think someone could really use our help.“

Rose kept her name after the wedding because she thought she would carry such a souvenir of her father. And her husband did not mind either. They also decided that their children would later be named Tyler - Smith. Although there is this possibility, it is very rare.

„Do you think Clara is okay?“  
„I dont know. We were in a class for a short while, but then there was this episode with Jimmy. And you know what happened after that.“  
„Yes“, he nodded, „but she was also the only one who visited you after you left school at that time, and that at your home.“

Rose sighed. She and Clara Oswald were about the same age, even though they had their birthday in May and Clara in November.  
„The man sounded rather worried on the phone and I think something really must have happened.“

They had reached the address on the phone and were quite surprised that the house looked more like a bungalow than the others in the area did. It was really only one floor.

„Do you want to stand there stupid for some time or are you finally coming!“, A rough voice called to them, whose Scottish accent was clearly audible. Rose and John looked at each other briefly before heading for the house.

„Wow!“, John escaped, „that's...“  
„Inside larger than the outside, is with clear. But that's not the point. They were the first ones I found on the list. I am sorry to have to tell you that, but Miss Oswald's father has committed suicide today.“

Rose swallowed. They planned to meet for lunch tomorrow to celebrate their birthday, as Clara had told them that she would like to spend the day with her father.

„Is she okay?“  
„She sleeps. Listen, I'm not so good with people, so I thought you might be able to take care of them.“  
„How did you even know what happened?“, The younger man wanted to know.  
„She just ran onto the street and I was just about to slow down. Normally I would not have cared, but I could ... Please take care of her, ok?“

John and Rose looked at each other for a moment, both seemed to think the same and finally nodded.  
„She sleeps, however. I do not think it's a good idea to wake her up now.“  
„You can wait here for so long. I'm going to have something to eat and the banana pudding has to go anyway...“

John's eyes lit up and Rose just shook his head with a grin.  
„My husband loves bananas over everything, even I'm second only.“  
„At least not as crazy as someone I know that likes Fishfingers and Custard. Anyway, everyone's what he likes.“

He went to the kitchen and left his visitors behind.  
„Do you think he means Jeremiah?“  
„Do you know anybody with that passion, Rose?“  
„Not really. I just hope Clara is fine.“

John thought so too. Clara was quite strong and, as is known, a small control freak, but knowing that her own father had killed would pull everyone to the ground.

„Here“, the host returned with a tapplet.  
„One question: You mean Jeremiah with Fishfingers and Custard?“  
„Yes, but how do you know him?“

They had not noticed that they had changed to the personal address, but since both did not bother, it did not matter.

„We know each other through Rose's favorite school. He has managed to make an exception for him there when he comes to dinner.“

„Wonder, he can make it himself at home. Does not take five hours to do this. Well, what is it for me?“

They talked a bit more, until they were suddenly interrupted by a throat-clearing at the door. Clara did not seem to be sure that they really would go to the others when John had already got up and pulled her to the sofa. Immediately the older man had jumped up, as if a fire had broken out in the place where he had just sat.

„I'm sure you want to go home now. Greetings to Jeremiah when you see him.“

And after these words, even the house had left in a great hurry.

Outside, he breathed in and out several times. He was not used to having so many people in the house at once. Normally no-one else but his sister came by, and only very rarely, just when something was important. Otherwise, he lived quite withdrawn.

„What's wrong?“  
His neighbor, one of the few who had the courage to speak to the grumpy older man, approached him.  
„It's none of your business, James.“  
„It never does. However, it is very rare for you to run like mad out of your house.“  
„You're pretty curious, Noble.“  
„I have from my wife. So, what is it now?“

He moaned slightly annoyed. If not everyone would always interfere in his life.

„It's nothing“, he tried to end the topic in this way.  
„If you think. But you are always welcome when you need someone to talk to.“  
„There is something I would like to ask you for. It is all about...“

James frowned.  
„You realize that I can not force her into anything. She has to know for herself whether it would be good for her to talk about it or not. Even if it's my job as a psychologist to listen to others.“

„Yes, I know it. It's just that I know you, so I know you could help her too.“

„James really could!“, Another voice sounded and both turned to her. John came up to her and greeted James with a handshake.  
„Does everyone really know each other here?“  
„We're adopted brothers“, John admitted, „my parents died when I was ten and his parents took me in. But that's not the point. Would you really do it?“

„As I said before, I can not force her to do anything, she has to be ready for it herself. But if she really wants it, she can come to me anytime.“  
„Thanks“, more did not come from the elders of the group before heading off in the direction of his little house.  
„So it's what you once told me about.“  
„Yes, John. The grumpy neighbor, who does not let anyone really get it. Believe me, he is not that bad, he does not talk very much, but that does not have to mean that he would not let anyone in on him.“

He nodded and finally saw Rose coming out of the house with Clara, who looked like a robot.  
Rose supported her and John could see the man clenching his fists beside her. He wanted to be alone again as soon as possible, but when he saw Clara, something stopped him.  
„He should not have done it“, he whispered, but John still heard him. There was no time to answer, since he was back in his house as soon as possible and locked the door.

No one saw the man leaning against the closed door, trying not to remember he could have prevented it.

Because he was not by chance in the area where she lived. Unfortunately he came too late. And the only thing he regretted was that Clara had to watch everything.

„Clara“, he said her name softly, then shook his head. She had been through a lot in the last few hours. He should not think about them in this context.

Again his thoughts went back to what he knew and yet could not prevent. He would not blame himself because he did not wear it. And yet, a tiny, tiny voice in him whispered softly that he could have done it. If only he had been there earlier.

„Tomorrow, on my daughter's birthday, I'll kill myself.“


	2. Chapter 2 - ... leave behind in the past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the second chapter. I hope you enjoy it.
> 
> For errors, which should occur, I apologize, English is not my native language.  
> (And I'm still looking for a beta reader, but as long as, if few, like my stories, I'm glad.)

Chapter 2 - ... leave behind in the past

Two weeks to the moment Clara ran into the street ...

London/England/Europe

„Here, you would take him please. My dad does not allow me to keep him.“

Perplexed, Missy looked at the small cage that was simply pressed into her hand. What should she do with a small ball of fur?  
„Can you just hand it in at a pet shop?“  
„I've already tried, they do not take back animals. Please, my father would be very angry with me otherwise.“

Before she could reply, he had already run away. And she stood with a small cage, where a small ball of fur looked at her in puzzlement.  
„Do not expect me to coddle you. There will be no extras for me.“  
The little one looked at her, yawning slightly, as if to say „I do not care“, and moved into the tiny little house that stood in the corner of the cage.

„What brings you here?“, Her brother asked her as he finally opened the door after several rings. She pushed the cage into his hand.  
„Here, the boy has given me a hand earlier, allegedly because his father probably does not allow pets.“  
„I'm not going to take him for sure“, he went back inside, and she followed him.  
„Do not worry, I can do it alone. It's not like I have to go for a walk with him. Would you at least have a name for the kid?“

„I do not know“, he shrugged.  
„Good, then his name is 'No Idea'.“  
„That's not what I meant.“  
„You never do that.“

He only snorted before asking her again what she really wanted with him. She explained that she wanted to travel in two weeks and that he could take care of her plants.

„You only have carnivorous plants and they manage well on their own.“  
„You forget that cacti are also with me.“  
„Right, just as straightforward as you. But if it calms you, I'll check on you twice a week. Not that you come back and have to complain of a bereavement.“

Then, of course, the question remained, what with 'No Idea', but he said that she would have to find someone else for it. (He could not have guessed that two weeks later she would still give him to the hamster.)

The next day, while he was having his normal lunch break at work, his colleague Dave Oswald also came into the room and poured himself a cup of coffee. He also noticed that he was filling whiskey in the cup, but said nothing.

„How is your daughter?“, He was not usually in favor of small talk, but he also noticed that Dave had not talked so much about his family in the last few weeks as he used to. And there was no answer before he was alone in the room again.

He shook his head slightly ... And yet he was worried. Dave used to talk a lot about his daughter, how proud he was that despite her mourning, she continued after losing her mother in an accident.

„She was upset at the time, too, but still she said that Mum, my wife, never wanted her to give up her dreams.“  
He himself had said nothing. After all, Dave's daughter was the number one topic of conversation anyway. He remembered very well when one day the copy of a letter was held under his nose.  
„She did it!“, He was pleased, „Clara is now allowed to teach officially.“  
"Then she should take care that she does not take over. The pudding brains can sometimes be quite exhausting. "  
„She will do it. Look how lucky she is in the picture.“

He returned to the here and now. Now his colleague had calmed down and barely spoke. Something busy the two years younger, but even he could not say what it could be.

His break ended, he returned to his duties, but could not really concentrate. Again and again he thought through what was going on with his colleague. He usually did not really care about his colleagues' private life, but Dave still had a daughter and even though she was an adult, she certainly would not want her father to disappear from her life. Well, someday Dave would die, that can not be averted, but ...

Alas, he should put these thoughts aside and just focus on the work.  
(If it just could be that easy.)

~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~

„Hey, dad“, his daughter greeted him as soon as she closed the door. Her father looked up and although he smiled, it reached his eyes.  
„Come on“, he just said and she followed him into the bedroom ... And suddenly noticed how she sank to the floor.

When Clara woke up ... She closed her eyes again, but her father demanded that she look at him.  
„Of course I have to know if I'm doing it right“, were his words.

The next morning, having practiced all night, he said he would go to work. At Coal Hill School he called and apologized.  
„I told them that you would not feel well. We do not want to risk you throwing out something ill-considered.“

She looked at her father, just did not recognize him. She wanted to say something, but her vocal cords failed and so she got only a gasping sound.  
Without a word he left.

The lessons passed, her stomach growling like crazy, but she had no chance to get away from here. Again and again tears ran down her face, which she wanted to hold back. But no matter how much she was a control freak, a whole night without sleep and the fear that her father ...

„I see you are still awake.“

She looked up and her father, home after hours, was now sitting in front of her, freeing her hands to feed her. She did it, albeit slowly.  
„Today we take a break, I do not want you to fall dead before exhaustion. But tomorrow evening it will continue.“

Clara coughed. Her father did not say it that easy. He was really serious.

„Why, dad? Why do you want to do that?“

He did not answer, but took away the food and said she had had enough. Clara dropped her eyes as he tied her arms again.  
„Even if I take a break today, that does not mean that I'll make you comfortable.“

She only wished that something would make her faint and that for some hours she did not have to think about what had happened.

~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~ °

The whole evening he could not get out of his mind that something was wrong with his colleague. He was behaving strangely. But that was not even the worst, but rather the fact that he had stopped talking to the others. If someone tried to engage Dave Oswald in a conversation, he blocked it and said that everything was alright.

But that was not it.

He himself began pacing the living room, finally stopping in front of a photo that Dave had given him just last month.  
„I think my daughter will find someone who can really make her happy.“  
„Yes, perhaps. But what does that concern me?“  
Dave had just shrugged his shoulders and that was the topic.

Now he was just standing in front of the picture, thinking about how he could do something. He was not someone who simply interfered with others' affairs, so why was he so important now?

For several minutes his gaze caught on the photo, then he turned away and decided to leave it behind.

The rest of the evening consisted of passing the time. Sometimes he just sat there, sometimes he sat and then there was time again, where he took little walks again, but only until he could not stand it in the house and was out as soon as possible.

The evening was cool, but still very pleasant. Although the wind blew slightly, it was the warmth that caressed you. Well, if you wanted that.

He suddenly stopped when he heard young people laugh and his eyes darkened when they came straight to him ... And without paying any attention to him, they ran past him. He let out a relieved breath, not wanting anyone to speak to him now.

Yet. It had been her. He would always recognize her, even if he had not yet seen her personally. And, even if he did not like to admit it, she looked really beautiful. And she was probably too young for him.

Shaking his head, he went back into the house, hoping that he had been awake too long to avoid falling to bed and falling asleep on the spot.

The next few days were normal for him, but not for a certain young woman. Her father had told her supervisor that she had contracted pneumonia and therefore could not come to work. She did not know if that was believed since she had never been missing, but she was too weak to think about it.

In the last few days she had only left this position if she was allowed to use the bath with his permission. And she would have liked to jump out of the window, since she "only" lived on the first floor, but as a precaution he had put grates on all the windows in her apartment. Thus, she was still trapped here and had not seen the light of the sun for some time, as the curtains were drawn in her bedroom.

Did your neighbors know what was going on here? Did anyone notice that she had not left her apartment for days, or did they care?

She had not really slept well the last few nights because her father (whom she now felt like a stranger) practiced every night so as not to make a mistake at the crucial moment. And she had to tell him again and again whether it was okay or not.

„You should not dare to lie to me“, he had threatened her and she knew he would do either way. And yet she wanted nothing more than to dissuade him from really doing it.

„Well, I think it's enough for today.“  
„Why do you want to do that, dad? Because of Mum? She would not have wanted it.“

The next thing to hear was the loud sound of a slap he had missed her, and although she did not want to, tears came into her eyes.

„In two days, little one, it's time, then I'll say goodbye, right on your birthday“, he pulled out of his pocket, „and hereby you'll be able to follow in just a few days. And believe me, it will be pretty painful.“

He wanted to kill her.

~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~

„Tomorrow, on my daughter's birthday, I will kill myself.“

He looked up. Did he really hear that? They were alone in the room, but when he saw the look of his colleague, he knew it was no joke.  
„You can not do that, Dave.“  
„Just because you say so, Smith? I've decided for a long time, I'm just telling you so that at least one knows what the background is.“

„What about Clara? She may grow up, but you can not just disappear from her life.“  
„What do you have to decide about it! Stay out of my life.“

He stayed alone when his colleague left the room.

Tomorrow ... He wanted to leave her alone. He knew from his colleague's earlier stories that she was 19 when she became half-witted, but it had been an accident back then. This time it really would be like this. But why did he even think so much about the young woman when he saw her for the first time yesterday, and only by chance?  
He went through so many possibilities, which could be the reason, but he rejected again. Because none of this would be considered.

He himself got back to work, how was he supposed to focus on something when he was thinking about something else? He finally gave up, got up and decided to finish the day for tonight. Even if he will stay awake all night.

„You want to go already?“, Asked one of his other colleagues.  
„Sorry, I do not feel so good today.“  
„It's alright. Take off the day after tomorrow, I'll let the boss know.“  
„Thanks, you're fine“, and he was gone. The day off would be good for him, too, because he knew that a lot would come up.

At home he had never found the ticking of the wall clock in the living room so annoying as it had been this evening, and sometimes he growled at her. He knew, of course, that she could not do anything for his mood, but someone (or something) should already get his bad mood.

It did not help when he got up and decided to take a walk outside. Maybe that would change his mind.  
This did not do it. Again and again the words went through his mind that it might be too late tomorrow.

~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~

Even if she had refused to swallow the remedy that would kill her within a few days, it would have done nothing. He literally forced her to eat it, no matter how much she would resist it.

„I knew I could count on you“, his smile was so cold that she was freezing. A bitter taste remained in her mouth, and she was pretty sure it was not just from the remedy.

There were mannequins scattered all over her bedroom, which her father had used to practice to get the best knot ... And she could not help but close her eyes ... But it did not help, she heard the crackle yet.

Now tears were streaming down her face. So it really happened. Her father was hanging in front of her.

He had the feeling that he was not making any headway, as if something was getting in his way.  
„Come on, you stupid mill“, he cursed, but it did not help. He would be there too late.  
He would never have allowed someone else to die if he could prevent it. But this time something wanted him to fail.

„Watch where you're running“, he only shouted through a reflex when he saw the young woman who was just running on the street. She looked in though his direction, but seemed to see through him. He quickly got out and went to her. Whatever she had experienced ... her eyes told him everything.


	3. Chapter 3 - Deadly Pain

Chapter 3 - Deadly Pain

Two days after Dave Oswald's suicide

London/England/Europe

Clara Oswin Oswald, who would see her now, would have thought that it was not the woman everyone knew. And that was true. She had retreated to the guestroom of her friends John and Rose, did not really speak, and declined any food. Her friends were glad she at least drank, albeit little.

„She should really think about the idea of talking to someone about it.“  
„John, nobody can force you to do that. James offered it, but it's all up to her. Even though I do not want to spend a long time looking at how she wants to leave her life behind ... “

Rose sighed.  
„I called Jeremiah and told him what had happened. He only said that he and River will return from the honeymoon as soon as possible.“

„If he could, he'd be right here from now on. Did he say anything else?“  
„Just the River wants to briefly to their parents, after all, Jeremiah knows Clara since his schooling. And since Amy and Rory, especially Rory, like to have guests, it's no wonder they all meet.“

Again a sigh from her. They both listen up as a hawk came up behind them. Clara stood in the doorway, dripping blood from her nose. Her skin was ashen and she coughed several times.  
„I think the poison has begun to work“, she said in a tone as if she was talking about the weather.

„We should take you to the hospital.“  
„What would it bring, Rose?“, Again a cough, „My dad will have known what he did. I will die one way or another.“

John got up and went to her. Without asking her if she would find it okay, he took her in his arms.  
„Clara, if you really would die, then some would be angry.“  
„Would not that matter?“  
„No“, his voice was firm but gentle. „We would all miss you, you understand? Basil in particular would be pretty angry that you're just gone.“

She asked him who Basil was, but before he could answer, she was already aware. She only nodded. Well, he had taken care of everything afterwards, since she was not able to do so after the experience. Nobody could, but she did not really understand why he should be angry if she decided to leave.

„He was not in the area by any chance, was he? He had known what would happen“, she thought for a second, „is he the one my father used to talk about in the past?“

John frowned a little, but allowed himself to know what exactly she meant now.

„Full House“, came a voice behind them, the Nordic accent clearly audible.  
„Now that you're there, James, more than that. Where is Donna?“  
„Here, Spaceman Two. If you opened your eyes, you would have seen me long ago.“

„Spaceman Two?“  
„A nickname for me. My brother is Spaceman One“, John explained.  
„That's because you two are sometimes really head above the clouds“, Donna said, then offered her hand.  
„I hope you do not mind if there is a visitor. Who you are, you know now.“  
Clara looked a bit puzzled, but then shook the offered hand.

A little later, when John said they could all sit down at the table, Clara froze, then asked if it would be more comfortable to watch a movie and eat.

James asked the others to comply with their request.  
„I do not know why, but Clara has not made this proposal for no reason.“  
„Do you want to watch her actions?“  
„Donna, although Basil asked me to talk to her, I can not force her to do anything. It's all up to her to decide how much she wants to tell about herself.“

His wife nodded slightly and then followed him to the TV corner. But the TV was not turned on, instead John made the suggestion that they could just enjoy the evening.  
„Since your wife made too much again, that will not be a problem.“  
„Because you're guaranteed to eat the most, right?“  
Rose suddenly stood in front of him and he grinned only his well-known grin.

It was really a cozy evening, though it was clear that Clara was feeling a little uncomfortable. Not because she was here with friends, but because she always looked back to the chairs as if they were something dangerous. However, no one responded.  
„Raxacoricofallapatorians?“, James stared suspiciously at the name his brother had just laid on the scrabble board, „you realize that such a word does not exist?“  
„Just because we've never heard it before does not mean it does not exist.“

The others sighed at the table but let it pass. He would not give in anyway. They continued to play when it suddenly rang and Clara, who was not really playing anyway, got up to open to the visitor.

When she saw who was looking at her, she slammed the door again, before she opened it again.  
„Excuse me, I did not know it would be you.“  
Jeremiah Song grinned and then pulled her into his arms.  
„I know I should have told you that I would rather be there, but it should be a surprise.“

For many years he was her best friend (some even thought they were a couple) and he always knew how to cheer her up.  
„Where is River?“  
„Still with her parents. Tell me, how are you ... well, probably not as good as I see.“  
„Not really. But maybe I would not be here if someone had not helped me that day.“

He laughed: „The world is a village, right? I never expected it to be Basil who would take care of everything. And believe me, he just does it out of boredom. And before you ask, we know each other through an accident. I hit him by bicycle back then.“

Her eyes got bigger. Then she asked him how they could be friends.  
„In which I visited him in the hospital. He had no one at the time but his sister, and even she only came once. So I took over this part then.“

She nodded slightly, thinking again about how he had helped her. And she had not been able to thank him so far. I hope she gets the opportunity soon.

They returned to the living room and he was welcomed by the others. Of course, the question came up, why River is not here and Jeremiah had to admit that he just left.

„Well, if that does not give trouble“, James grinned briefly, „That's not my thing. Come before I have new plants because you are rooting here.“

„You know that you do not live here!?“, John called to him.  
„Brothers, though adopted, should share one another. I give you the plants.“  
„Too generous.“

They continued the evening, now with one more person, but Clara did not seem to really get involved, and soon after she said she was too tired to keep her eyes open any longer. So she just said good night to the others and disappeared as quickly as possible in the guest room.

But as soon as the door was locked behind her, she sank down and burst into tears. She ignored the slight knock from the outside, ignoring the fact that she had just closed the door behind her and had not finished. So it was no wonder that Jeremiah suddenly sat next to her.  
„You do not have to be ashamed of the fact that you have not been as strong lately as usual“, he said softly, „it just shows that you too are just human. Want to hear something funny? James and John really promised not to eat bananas for a whole day when you're not so sad anymore.“

She giggled slightly and said that she wanted to see this.  
„But you have to come out with that, otherwise they will not do it.“

Clara just nodded and let him help her up.

„Thanks for helping me ... Oh hello Clara.“

She stopped suddenly.  
„Did you remember my name?“  
„Should I have forgotten him?“ He asked brusquely and she shook her head slightly, but said nothing about it. James grinned, even though his blue eyes looked a little disappointed.  
„So John and I have to live up to our promise. Basil, why do not you stay a little while longer?“

He looked at her and finally nodded, yet he had a request why he was talking to her now.  
„I'll stay here if you really talk about what really happened, Clara.“  
„Why should I do that?“  
„James. He can help you and believe me, I'm not just saying that.“

She seemed to want to answer, but suddenly freed herself and just ran out into the cold wind without putting on a jacket. However, she did not get far, because something or better, someone stopped her.

„Let me over!“  
„So you get yourself the death? Forget it, besides, you have nothing more than a T-shirt on and the rain that starts now will not help.“

She was crying and although he did not like being hugged, it just did not bother him.  
„I wanted to stop him from doing it ...“

Clara stared at him and clasped his hands over his mouth. She freed herself and ran back into the house (she had not come very far) and came back a little later, this time at least with a jacket.

„I think...“  
She gave him a letter addressed to him and he put it away to read later.  
„I made an appointment with James, even though I may not be ready to really talk about what happened.“  
„You did not do it for me, did you? Clara, it must be your own decision...“

She had come a little closer to him, now stood on tiptoe and kissed him lightly on the cheek.  
„I know, but without you I would be...“, she coughed suddenly and blood ran from her nose.  
„It hurts so much ... Basil, I think the poison brings me now ...“, again a coughing fit.  
„Do not you dare to die now?“, He looked at the house where John was standing at the entrance holding his smartphone up, a sign that he had called the ambulance.

„It will be too late anyway, until they are here. Maybe it would be better that way.“

He looked at her in shock.  
„You are not really going to die, are you? Clara, you can ... No, you can not even think that.“  
„I would not burden John and Rose any more, no one would annoy me any more. So my decision is right.“

What followed after that was first the sound of a slap and shortly thereafter the fact that he closed her lips with his own. However, before she could answer or reject anything, he had already moved away from her again and ran his hands through his hair several times.

„I'm such an idiot!“ He shouted, „I'm sure you would not have liked it. I can understand, if you want to rinse your mouth out immediately.“

There was no opportunity for her to answer that he just ran away.

Nobody should know that he would not be in town for a few weeks.

She heard the sirens slowly approaching, but the only thoughts they now mastered were the feeling that they had done something wrong again. What happened to her?

„Is everything alright?“, Rose suddenly stood beside her, but more than a shake of the head was not visible. Rose helped her to go back to the others, where even a doctor was waiting.

Without a word she climbed into the ambulance and sat down on the couch. Her thoughts whirled in confusion, not because of the poison, but because of what happened a few minutes ago.

First he gives her a slap (which she later had to retaliate) and then he kisses her, which she just wanted to repeat. They did not know each other and yet he begged them not to throw their lives away.

„I'll go with her!“, She heard James's voice, which just jumped inside.  
„Are you a relative.“  
„No, and that does not matter. She just should not be alone now.“  
„I'm sorry, just the personal family.“  
„No one lives on Miss Oswald's personal family and she has no other relatives. So that means we're closest to her now. And now they start!“

It was not long before the ambulance vanished into the distance.

~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~

„I do not care how you do it, pick up the kid!“, He yelled into his smartphone.  
„You know, I'm in New Zealand right now, brother?"  
„I do not care...“, he sighed and knew that she would not just sit on the next plane and come back to London.  
„I'll be in Scotland for a while, you'll know where.“  
„Has something happened to your girlfriend?“  
„She's not my girlfriend and if anything happened is none of your business.“  
„Basil, I know you, if I could remember, I would even have to say, since my birth, and I recognize by your voice something must have happened.“

He shook his head slightly, though she could not see it because of the distance.  
Unless there are really good telescopes for it.

„I've probably made the biggest mistake of my life“, he admitted, not even counting that he had kissed her after he slapped her, but that he was, if only to himself and not to the others He had to admit that he had had feelings for the young woman for some time.

He remembered the letter Clara had given him, so he said goodbye to his sister. You would share the telephone costs anyway.

He sat down on one of the benches that exist in every city and took the letter out of his inside pocket. As he began to read, his anger and anger at his former colleagues grew larger and larger.

~ Basil

I know that I have never used your name before and that's why you should know how important this is to me.

The remedy given to my daughter causes great pain but it will not kill her.

I know that you really like my daughter and you want her to take care of her, even though she thinks she does not need any help.

Please, at least you are there for her, even if I can not anymore. And when some time has passed, tell her that I love her and always will.

Dave. ~

More was not written there.

„You should have taken care of your daughter yourself, Dave. I will not be able to.“  
Basil lowered his eyes. He sensed it would take time for Clara to cope that she no longer had anybody left from her family.

He last wrote to James asking for the funeral, gave him the institute's number, and would not report in the next few weeks. Until .... A suitable moment would be ... to return to the others again.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that it took so long for the next chapter to come. I hope you are still there and continue to enjoy the story.

Chapter 4 - The first steps ...

Two weeks later...

The poison, which did not kill her, but put her into pain for days, was completely pumped out of her body. This was a little bit over now and this morning she had told herself that she had to go one step further now. And that also included talking to someone about what she was experiencing.

Nervous, she stood in front of the building containing the practice of Doctor James Noble and was still not sure if it was really such a good idea to talk about her problems. What if it did not help at all and the end result would be that she pulled back even more than she did before.

Several days had passed since the meeting, and although she'd learned that Basil Smith was still taking care of the funeral, there was the problem that she had no finances to pay for it.

Her father had somehow managed, before his death, to lose her account so much that it was closed for the time being and thus she no longer had access to it. And even if, there was no money left to pick her up.

Thus, she would remain on debt, but she could not simply refuse her father's final resting place.

She had no idea that, in truth, there was no cause for concern.

After gaining more courage, she finally entered the building. Several people sat in the waiting room while she went to the reception, where a woman was on the phone. The name tag read the name M. Jones. Finally the conversation ended and she turned to her.

„Excuse me, I realize that I have no appointment, but...“

„I'm glad you finally found the time to stop by“, smiled the young woman, „Mr. Noble has already told me that he hopes to see you soon. Please sit down in the waiting room. I'll let Doctor Noble know.“

Clara just nodded and shortly afterwards entered the room, but nobody looked up from the other patients. It seemed like everyone was lost in their own world.

She preferred that too. She did not want to make any pseudo-talks with strangers who had to work on their own problems.

„Clara? It will take some time, unless you would rather come back another day, then Miss Jones can give you a new appointment.“

She looked up, but then said that she did not even know if she would find the courage to come here again. He himself smiled and promised that it would not take too long.

„I do not know where to go“, she whispered only after he disappeared into the consulting room with a patient.

Clara had actually thought about just running away from London, but rejected that consideration again. In the past, she faced every problem, however great it may have been and how difficult it was to solve it. Now she could not just give up like that.

She did not notice that the hours went by faster than expected.

„Sorry, it took a while. Do you mind to have dinner with us? I would like to call it a day. Unless it's not good right now.“

She looked up, looking as if she had been thinking all the time. James repeated his suggestion and she agreed. Alone for the reason that she did not want to constantly bother John and Rose.  
„But only if it does not cause you any problems.“  
„My wife always cooks too much anyway. Is probably because she is the head of a catering service.“   
„Why does not she just give it to orphanages?“  
„We already do. But we can talk about that later together.“

She walked silently beside him until he stopped suddenly.  
„Let's get the two out there first. Not that we go further and thus destroy two chairs.“

Clara suddenly started shaking.  
„Hey, that was a ... Damn, Clara, what's up?“

The tremor increased and she was barely able to stand on her feet. One of the others asked if they needed help, but James assured them that everything was alright.

„Come on, it's not far to me.“

She did not move and something clicked in his head.  
'Is she worried about chairs?' He wondered, but she would not talk about it now.  
„Clara, please, it's really not far away.“

She nodded slightly and cautiously took a few steps until she was sure she would not tip over.

But James Noble sensed that it was more than that ...

~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~

„I thought you wanted to leave?“

„Like, if you just can not come back, if it's really important. How was Auckland? Is the city still standing?“

„Very funny. So, what's up? Is this the girl I last saw?“

Her brother looked up and nodded slightly. He told her what happened.  
„Understand? So you blame yourself for his death. One question: why are you not with the little one and comfort her?“

His eyes said everything. Missy just laughed.  
„Look at you, my big brother fell in love. That I had the chance to experience I would never have thought.“

„I'm not in love, I'm just worried, that's all.“

She just waved and then invited herself for dinner. He did not care as long as she disappeared afterwards.

She was watching him all the time, even as he talked about the meeting with the others at the table and a certain name fell more than anyone else.  
'No,' she thought, 'not in love at all.'

And she should not be angry about that. Her brother has always been very withdrawn, so it would not be so wrong if he made a few contacts.

„What about the boy who visited you at the hospital?“  
„Jeremiah? Apart from the fact that he can be quite annoying, everything is fine. And before you speak anything, no, I'm guaranteed not to make friends with him. Neither with him, nor with any other people.“

She just shook her head and silently thought that he had done so long ago but did not want to see it yet. But it was hardly her business to care.

„If you did not mind, I'd prefer you to go now. After all, I wanted to leave the city for a few weeks.“  
„Pretty coward, brother. But who am I, that I would give you the tip to get more out of you?“

It was a rhetorical question and he knew that, so he did not answer. Instead, he got up, went into the bedroom and got the cage with No Idea.  
„Here, slept most of the time anyway, so nothing that bothered me.“  
„Well, I would not trust him to anyone but you.“

He smiled and knew that she would come to him again and again.  
„See you, brother.“

And he was alone again. Sometimes, though he would not admit it, he felt lonely, but then he told himself it was better that way.

~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~ ° ~

Although the food was delicious, she had said nothing except for a few words in the evening. James knew it could take a while. Even if you want to talk about your own fears, it can happen again and again that something blocks you.

He had, as he was not sure if it was true, but he also did not want to risk again, she got a panic attack, suggested that they could take dinner in the living room on the couch.  
Of course, he told Donna of his guess, but also replied that he wanted to wait and see if it was confirmed or refuted. And he called John to let his brother know that Clara was with him. John just asked him to take good care of her. Whatever he promised.

All the while, she felt like she was bothering someone, no matter how many times she was told it was not.

„I would like to sleep a little if possible.“  
„Of course“, Donna smiled, „I'll show you the guest room.“

So James stayed alone and took some notes.  
First, Miss Oswald seems to feel unwanted everywhere, even if you tell her it's not.  
Second, it starts to shake when someone talks about chairs, but at the sight of this piece of furniture, she panics .... However, I'm not sure yet if my guess can be confirmed.  
Third, while she may not yet seem willing to talk about what happened, I think it's only a matter of time before she does it on her own.

„Well, she fell asleep immediately. What are you doing there?“  
He picked up the notebook and she nodded slightly, understanding what he was trying to tell her.  
„I am very sure that her subconscious mind processes the experiences, but she herself did not have the strength to talk about it on her own.“

„You realize that you alone will not make it?“  
„Yes, she can only do it alone.“  
„I thought more of Basil.“

Confused, he looked at his wife, wanted to know what exactly she meant by now and she reminded him of the fact that her neighbor, although quite withdrawn, but never just wanted to leave the city.

„Are you suggesting that she should go to him?“  
„Would not that be the best? James, you know Basil's past better than anyone else, so why not look over the rules and bring together two people who can really help each other without them knowing it.“

„And how do you imagine that? Should we just drop her off at his door with all her belongings and wait and see what happens? Donna, I do not think he wants a roommate.“

His wife only shook her head, but the look in her eyes told him that the topic was not over yet. And yet he stuck to it that it was probably not a good idea.

„We should sleep, too“, he said and was already up the stairs before she could say anything

Although she did not wake up in the middle of the night, she nevertheless left the house. Only in a pajamas she wandered outside, while only a few lights were burning everywhere. But she got nothing from all that.

Clara Oswin Oswald had never slept in her life before, not the kind of thing you would do when you were sleeping and could not remember the next day.

But she was not all alone.

„What the.... Clara!“ 

Without paying any attention to him, she just walked past him. He followed her, spoke to her several times, but there was no response. By now he realized she was sleeping.

Carefully, as if she could believe it all happened in a dream, he took her hand and led her slowly to a bench.

„Clara, please, wake up“, he whispered, knowing it would not be good to jolt her out of sleep now. But she did not do it. So he decided to take her with him and tomorrow John, he did not know that she was staying with James and Donna tonight, calling and reporting what had happened.

Actually, he wanted to be away in the late afternoon, but first he had to wait until Missy is back from her vacation and she had really allowed herself to stay longer than planned and secondly, he was told today that it would be tomorrow afternoon again give flights to Scotland.

And in the two weeks he could do nothing more than to really pull back this time.  
She clung to him as she slept and mumbled something he did not understand. However, it was not that important at first. The only thing that mattered now was to get her in the heat, because she did not wear more than a simple pijama.

Fortunately it was not quite that far and so within a few minutes he finally unlocked the door and brought it to his bedroom. It was better than letting her sleep on the couch.

But even he found no peace. In his bedroom was one, in his eyes, beautiful, but unfortunately too young woman, but his fantasies more excited than it might have been good.

In the morning she woke up a bit confused, not remembering what had happened. The tiredness had not left her, on the contrary, had become stronger, so that in the next moment she had closed her eyes again.

The door opened and of course she expected that either James or Donna would come in. She had not expected to see him.

„What the ... what are you doing in James's house?“  
„Nothing, because we are not there“, he stepped closer and handed her a cup of tea, but she did not want to accept her.  
„Clara, please ... If I had not been, something bad might have happened to you.“

She just looked at him, no more words escaped her lips.  
„I'll wait in the kitchen“, he said just before he left the bedroom. She put the cup on the dresser next to the bed and then leaned against it with her back against it.

She was here, in his bedroom, but why. He was a little weird, but she did not think he was like kidnapping someone from a bedroom. And yet she wanted nothing more than to know exactly what had happened here.

Carefully, as if she was not sure it would be good to enter the kitchen at all, she knocked on the door, not waiting for her to come in.

„You can come closer, I've already had breakfast, so do not worry.“  
She did, and although she was aware that he was joking, she did not have the strength to smile.  
„What exactly happened?“  
„I saw you last night when I went for a little round. At first I did not think anything else, but then I realized that you did not really seem to know where you were going. And when I noticed you were sleepwalking...“

„I never did that! Guaranteed you left me out of my room last night...“  
„Clara, I found you out there, just in your pajamas and in the rain. Do you really think that I would not ask myself what's going on.“

She just looked at him, his blue eyes more angry than she could ever imagine. And he really seemed to be angry.  
„Sit down.“  
„No“, this time she tried to stay calm, but the fact that there were only four chairs in the room alone did not help much.  
„Clara, you can not stand all the time, so take a seat on one of the chairs!“

His hands had wrapped around her upper arms, and when he saw her tremble, he realized he should not have yelled at her. Quickly, even though he was not the huger's friend, he had pulled her close to her while she cried on his shoulder.

„Please, be honest, if not to me or to someone else, then at least to yourself: Are you afraid of chairs?“

She knew it was, but she did not want to give it ... not yet. It was still so fresh and not even her father's funeral had been.

She moved away from him, looking much softer now, the anger in his eyes escaping a sadness that she herself took away. And he looked at her with a look she did not quite understand. Was it worry because he had found her in a situation she could not remember? Was it the thought that he was the only one who knew what would happen and could not prevent it?

„Um ... is there a way to take a bath here?“


End file.
